I don’t know when it started, but somewhere along the line I got it into my head to think about homeschooling my children. Actually, I do know when it started, although not really.
I read a book. That’s how most things seem to start for me.
I read a book. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate’s Hold on to Your Kids. The thesis of this book is that kids are becoming too peer-oriented, and this is causing parents to lose their ability to parent their children. Basically, the thought is that kids can only have one primary attachment, whether it be parents, or friends. Hey all, realized I said this poorly. Let’s try this again. Kids’ primary attachment should be their parents, or another caring, loving adult, or adults. Ideally, this would be a larger community of both adults and children. However, if kids’ attachment to friends (or anyone else for that matter) is in conflict with that of their parents’, trouble can be brewing. Because they will have to choose. And if parents and their kids aren’t securely attached (due, largely to the structures of today’s society), kids will choose friends. And friends, as much as they might care about your children, are not a good replacement for a wise and caring parent. A parent who always has their best interests in mind. That is a very short summary, and, of course, I am missing key elements. Still, it got me thinking.
Neufeld and Mate suggest that homeschooling can be a good option, by helping to keep the parent-child attachment functioning. It’s all about relationship.
Anyways, all of this got me thinking of the real possibility of homeschooling. Would it be a good option for us? Because I have always been drawn to the concept. It just sounds like so much fun. And it seems to make so much sense.
Lately, it has seemed a bit strange to me that we send kids to school for the majority of their day, away from their families, to be raised by someone else (I know there are a million reasons why we do this, and many, many, many are valid). Still, it also seems strange that we group them in like ages, and they grow up thinking this is a normal part of life, to be with peers of their same age – exactly. To me, it seems plain weird. When you think about it. Is there any other time in a person’s life that this happens? And is it really to everyone’s benefit? Specifically, the child’s?
I don’t have the answer to those questions. Maybe you do?
Then, after reading Hold on to Your Kids, I read The Element, by Sir Ken Robinson. Another proponent of re-examining our educational system. Again, he doesn’t advocate homeschooling, per se, but suggests it could be a good option. Because it allows parents to tailor learning to a child’s distinct learning style, and strengths. More food for thought.
Finally, I happened upon unschooling. And I think I am in love.
The philosophy that governs unschooling is that kids (people in general) are naturally inclined to learn. Encouraged in this direction, and left to their own devices, they will want to discover their world. They will want to know things. They will want to learn. This educational philosophy, if I’m understanding it correctly, says that parents can best support their kids by allowing them to be guided, in large part, by their own whims and passions. Learning co-inciding with interest and ability. Unschoolers learn at their own pace, and aren’t beholden to any particular curriculum. They are above all, lifelong learners.
This is where I get chills. Good ones. For many reasons, one of which is the fact that I, too, love learning. The process of learning just about anything excites me. Another is that I am a librarian (or maybe this is why I am a librarian). Librarians are huge proponents of lifelong learning. This, I would argue, is what we are all about. And we are also great researchers.
So, my imagined unschooling life has me helping my children discover their true potential, following their passions, and learning through life experiences. An education outside the box. I imagine us discovering things together along the way. Exploring the world with eagerness and curiousity. Travelling? Reading? Researching? Experimenting? You bet.
And what better person than a research expert – an expert in lifelong learning – to provide this kind of education for my children. So, tell me, am I being idealistic? Is this to good to be true. Or is it truly an ideal way to learn. Because it kind of seems that way to me.
(My kids are currently 3 years and 9 months, so this is research for me at this point).
Related Articles ( I haven’t checked these out yet, but I will):
- 50 Best Blogs in the Unschooling Movement (onlinecollege.org)
Hi! I’m Kelly Woods, writer, mother & librarian. I write about beauty, creativity, green living and lifestyle design to help others live a life of inspiration, too.
As a mom who kept her three sons home through high school (with two now in college and one on the way), I am glad for the relationship it has given me and my sons. I would encourage you, though, to consider each child’s needs individually and one year at a time. There was an occasional year here or there for each of the boys where we found it good for that year for them to either be in a private school, a public school, or an online school for a season. And, now with our daughter (age 9) she is attending a small school partly because she grew up in an orphanage and found it very challenging to be at home alone (plus, I wanted to just be mommy and work on our bonding as mom and daughter — which she was struggling with whenever I would teach). In 2009 I started an education blog that might help you on your journey. Feel free to stop by… http://theeducationcafe.wordpress.com/. Last year, I also started a personal blog about my world… http://delanaswordl.wordpress.com.
Blessings,
Delana
That’s probably the best thought I’ve heard so far. Taking into account the individual needs of each child would be the ideal reason to homeschool (or not). I think there are plenty of poor reasons people decide on it. Like wanting their children to only be exposed to their own ideas, or just wanting to keep them at home for selfish reasons. Anyways, I’ll be sure to check out your blog and the presentation you link to. Thanks!
Wow, hold onto your kids sounds chilling to me. I think it’s nonsense that children can only form one strong attachment, but even if you believed that, I think it’s incredibly selfish that parents would want to prevent them forming friendships and socialising. I’m probably biased, having gone through the system and been a teacher myself, but I always find that home schooled children struggle to relate to their peers, and I suspect that this could be damaging when it comes to employment etc in later life.
Wow. Thanks for the interesting comments. I figured this would get some good opinions both ways. It’s what I was hoping for actually, while I am checking out all of these schooling options. Judging from your comments, I portrayed Hold on to Your Kids wrong. They aren’t saying only one attachment, just that attachments that are in conflict with one another can present difficulties. The best case being parents and kids and their parents and their teachers all on the same page. If that makes sense… The selfish argument. I wonder about that too and that is one of my main questions about homeschooling. Is it selfish? I think both kinds of education (home and school) can be beneficial in the right setting, done the right way. But, I’m still forming ideas on this. Thanks for your insight. I also went through the school system and loved it, for the most part.
As a public school teacher myself I loved Neufeld’s book. It does not really advocate for homeschooling at all, just addresses some of the reasons why parenting in this age can be challenging. He. himself sent all his kids to public school. He is neither for or against any type of schooling so much as he is for having adults be the primary guide in a child’s life instead of peers. Before you comment on the book, read it. It will be the best Pro-D decision you’ve ever made as a teacher and a very key book to read as a parent. That said, unschooling is a very interesting prospect. Everything of course depends on the personality of your child and the circumstances and nature of the family.
Good for you. Starting the process when your babies are young will pay off. By the time they are ready for school so will you! My sister home schools her 7 children. In our community what I have noticed is that when a really good mom is teaching other moms get together wirh her who are “weaker in some areas of home school teaching, and together they actually form a home schooling school. It seems the kids get the best of both worlds. The home school experience and socialastion that some feel they might be missing.
That sounds lovely. It seems to me there are other ways for kids to socialize than school, but perhaps it takes more effort to make sure it happens. Sounds like homeschooling families together can accomplish this. In Canada we have homeschooling situations where kids go to school in a classroom once a week, and learn from home the other days. Kind of a good balance, perhaps?
read “You are Your Child’s First Teacher” by Rahima Baldwin Dancy and if you do, do let me know what you think. It is Waldorf oriented and had great ideas, but isn’t specifically about home schooling. If you want, I can give you the name and number of a friend of mine who aims to home school all 5 kids… she’ll have good contact infos for you.
This sounds like just the book I have been looking for. Curious about Waldorf, and always up for a good recommendation. Thanks, I will let you know what I think. And yes, I’d love to connect with your friend. I love new resources…
This is a very enlightening conversation for one who’s thinking very much about homeschooling my 4 kids. My older 2 are currently in the Catholic school in town (part of Alberta’s Separate Schools system – a cross between public & private schooling) and I must say it’s a wonderful school. I love the teachers & the atmosphere in the school, but I end up having only 3 hours a day with my school kids. In order for them to have enough rest, they have to go to bed early in the evening. I’m not sure how to handle next year when we need to start with music lessons and possibly soccer or gymnastics or swimming. There will easily be weeks where I spend only a few hours with them in total! I’m interested in reading the book by Neufeld & Mate since I feel that I know my childrens’ needs & abilities well right now but am feeling at a loss when it comes to meeting those needs or encouraging those abilities.
Ah, the busy life of a family. I know, I am just starting to get there. That is one great reason to homeschool, to have more quality time together. I have a friend who homeschools. She says everyone should try it for a year, if they are inclined that way. That seems like a good idea to me. There is no rule saying you can’t try it, and put them back in school if it doesn’t suit. Or vice versa. I hope you enjoy the book, I know it made me think.
I’m totally with you, Kelly. My husband is a public school teacher & a learning consultant with Self Design (you should check it out as a viable support option for staying home with Dylan next year – we are going to use it for Olive’s kindergarten year – http://www.selfdesign.org/) – we talk & think about education, wellness & attachment a lot. We are lucky to have a very small (I think there are 20 families from babies to the oldest children, who are 10), very special Waldorf school near to us where Olive attends preschool. It is on an organic farm & gardening & farming a large part of the grade school curriculum. Currently, the grade school is 4 days a week, 9am – 1pm & is considered a home school learning circle & all of the kids are registered with Self Design. There are 3 teachers whom we know intimately & we know all of the families very well. We are a true community. I feel like we spend so much time caring for our wee ones, then society expects us to just launch them out into the world to spend the majority of their waking time with others. It just contributes to all that is wrong with our ill society. I could go on for hours. We will be un-schooling our kids with a Waldorf slant (Waldorf is amazing – AMAZING – the heart is educating the head, heart & hands. Beautiful stuff. http://www.waldorf.ca/). Any time you want to chat, let me know! (Whenever Olive is curious about something new I write it on our chalk board & we look for books at the library to learn more about whatever her interest is).
Funny, I was just thinking of starting a book where I write down what Dylan is interested in so we can go get books on it later. Now I will. I have also heard of Self Design, and was meaning to check it out. Now I will! I’ve also been trying to find out more about Waldorf. I’m intrigued, it does sound so beautiful. Funny how we have arrived in the same place on so much of this. Librarians!? Looking forward to hearing more from you!
You’re not alone. Matt Hern wrote a few books about deschooling/unschooling (links below). He founded the Purple Thistle Center in Vancouver, and posits that public libraries are models of what non-coercive learning environments can become: community hubs with space, resources, and materials for people of all ages to explore and discover what they wish, when they wish.
http://www.purplethistle.ca/
http://www.mightymatthern.com/?page_id=13
http://www.mightymatthern.com/?page_id=40
The free school movement might also be of some interest. I visited one a few weeks ago in Tallahassee, Florida based on the Summerhill model, a boarding school in England. The links below will take you to free school sites. Buena suerte!
http://www.grassrootsschool.org/aboutus.htm
http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/
http://windsorhouseschool.org/
Thanks! I have read one of Matt Hern’s books. I wish the Purple Thistle Centre was just a little closer to home. It looks intriguing. I’ll be looking into free school now, too.